Letting Go To Do Nothing. No, Not A Waste of Time

Mentally, I’m all over the place today. I do a fragment of one thing, like write part of a sentence, then leave it to do something else. Oh, look at that, two complete sentences!

I’m all over the place because I’m between—between large writing projects and essays. I finished drafts of two manuscripts last week and I’m letting them sit so I can return to them for revisions with a fresh perspective.

I have new projects in mind, and I have jotted notes for them, but nothing has taken shape yet.

I’m between jobs, or at least that’s the way I prefer to look at it.

I’m between and I’m uneasy about it. I’m all over the place because I’m looking for a place to land, and each new one I see looks better to me than the one I just leapt away from. When I get there it’s a letdown. I’m not finding what I want in any of them.

I’m uneasy because being here feels like a complete abdication of discipline, and discipline is security. I’m doing nothing, contributing nothing, marking time when I should be doing something and moving forward.

But who’s looking? Who’s keeping score here?

Only me. Nobody else.

Maybe between is not so much a place to try and get out of than it is a place to relax for awhile.

Letting go is the discipline here.

There are no expectations, so I can stop waiting for them to crash in on me and judge me. I’m in a wide open space, free to do anything I want. Or do nothing. My choice.

I choose nothing.